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August 5 2007
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Critical humor shortage reported at bendeily.com

Former "musican" struggles to meet demand for "y'know, that FUNNY stuff you used to have up here?"

Desperate straits for formerly "humorous" vanity URL. (AP)

PORTLAND, Maine--As fruitful subject matter for parody dwindles, editors at bendeily.com are reporting a looming and unprecedented lack of comedy at the "formerly kinda funny" web site.

"What can I tell ya?" offered a shrugging Ben Deily, nominal subject and Chief Content Officer of the site. "Time was, I could always shake something humorous loose from whatever was going on...my long-term unemployment a few years ago, jobs with a soul-crushing kinda 'Dilbert' thing going on, the hilarity of being a former c-list rock star, or just plain old absurdist observational humor.

"But for some reason, life seems to have gotten precipitously less funny in the last few months."

Analysts suggest that myriad causes may be to blame. "Well, there's the advertising thing. Bear in mind is that what little humor Mr. Deily is generating these days probably goes straight to paying clients," suggested advertising industry analyst Frank Templeton. "And at Ben's age, let's face it, the great ideas and witty bon mot aren't exactly pouring out in an unending flood.

Deily, staff writer struggle in vain for laughs. (AP)

"Then there's the relative stability of his domestic, economic and emotional situation. All told, he's not in an ideal atmosphere to lay down the self-lacerating satire that was seemingly so effortless while working for Microsoft at McCann...or back when his sorry, unemployed ass was sitting in a Burbank STARBUCKS all day."

"It's not like there's nothing funny going on in my life right now," a visibly uncomfortable Deily offered. "I mean, I was just in this article in the Maine Business Journal...with a picture and everything. That's kinda funny, right? Maine Business Journal? Right?"

As Deily fell silent, observers noticed the unmistakable sound effect of chirping crickets.

"Well, anyway. Screw you guys. I'm not here to amuse you. Er, well, not as much as I used too, apparently. Damn."

While this is not the first time (scroll down under June 5th, 2005: Life of Gainful Employment "Just Not Funny Enough") Deily's humor output has been adversely affected by a "dearth of humorous personal suffering," evidence suggests that it may be one of the most long-lasting "humor droughts" in bendeily.com's brief and ludicrous history.

But Deily, as always, hopes for the best. "It's a slump. Slumps always end.

"I'm sure that my being fired, or a bankruptcy or...I dunno, some hilarious illness could be right around the corner for me--this is life, after all. I ain't complacent for a second. Maybe I'll be framed for a crime I didn't commit," Deily added, brightening. "Or hell, a comet could hit the earth tomorrow.

"THEN you'll see some seriously funny %$#@ing writing up here. Mark my words."

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VARSITY DRAG ALL-STARS display consummate professionalism, ability to mug camera.

Chris Philbrick, Deily work on

Mr. Philbrick shows why he's "all up ons" with the ladies. (AP)

Bass player Lisa Deily gives considered opinion of her bandmates. (AP)

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SHOCKER: Ben expands "lack-of-skills set" with Indie film "acting" debut.

Director to Deily: Keep digging.


Co-star shows improbable patience with "rank amateur": "At least he's OK with a shovel."(AP)

Director declares performance by pile of dirt "more compelling" than Deily's. (AP)

Yep, that's the guy with the shovel. (Foreground: an actual actor.)

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The VIA Group Adding Major Local Aquarium to Roster.

Associate Creative Director "building relationship" with new clients.


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