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September 25 2005
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¡Curmudgeonista! / RADIO SANDWICH


Thunderbird Theatre "actors;" inset, Deily & ingenue. (AP)

Ben Witnessed "Consorting With Theater Persons."

Socially Devastating Revelations Presage "More Than A Mere Whiff of Scandal"

SAN FRANCISCO--In a development certain to shake the sensibilities of the decent, upstanding denizens of this bustling metropolis, credible reports have come to light suggesting that Ben Deily--erstwhile "entertainer" and well-known boulevardier--has been witnessed fraternizing and openly socializing with Theater Persons.

These shocking reports place Deily in a low, garish "venue" in the City's disreputable SOMA (or "South Of Market") neighborhood, reportedly sharing distilled spirits and ribald jests with members of the infamous "Thunderbird Theatre" Company: a low-brow, rag-tag assemblage of ne'er-do-well roustabouts and Persons of Low Repute. It is suggested that this disgraceful association, witnessed over a period of weeks, somehow correlates with the Thunderbird production of "The Las Vega-Nauts," a "theatrical comedy" of some sort.

Trollop, strumpet or slattern? Typical theater person. (Getty)

"Boorish Cad"

While Deily's past escapades have lead to clucking tongues in certain of the more staid quarters of society, these latest antics will almost certainly not be without consequence of the utmost moment. Certain knowledgeable parties (across whom the modest veil of anonymity must be drawn) have characterized the allegations, if true, as "horrid, repugnant proof" of Deily's standing as a "boorish cad" and a "bounder of the first stripe."

"The social consequences of this sort of indiscretion really can scarcely be reckoned," opined one respected San Franciscan barrister and bon vivant. "This goes far beyond a mere whiff of scandal. It is the stuff of social ruin."

"Disreputable rendezvous." (courtesy Milady's Boudoir)

Deily Defiant

Deily, when a response to these charges was solicited, loudly decried "those pusillanimous snipers, blackguards and character assassins" who would "disparage [his] good name." Growing ever more irate, the visibly inebriated Deily brandished a stout walking stick at this correspondent and added that "those damned liars" laying such charges would "do well to watch their ignominious backsides, lest they feel the sting of the lash across them."

"Oh, and go see The Las Vega-nauts, you damned imbecile!" Deily growled, before collapsing over a table of empty wine bottles.

(EDITOR's NOTE: Said production has recently concluded, having "sold-out" almost in its entirety: yet another sign, in this humble reporter's opinion, of the low-water mark to which our aesthetic standards and civil society have currently sunk.)

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Learn more about this sordid business, and those ghastly ruffians The Thunderbird Theatre Company

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